Fight for life

INTERVIEW ON TEXAS‘ DR !

Author’s note   :   the person I interviewed wished to remain anonymous

My first memory was of my father beating up my mother.  And, now that I think about it, it was one of the few memories that I have always held on to.

I was 18 when I killed him, but it wasn’t the first time that it came into my mind.  He was brutal, and without mercy.  He would get drunk and come home and beat my mom as though she was a man….. And all I could do was watch, because back then, I was only 6.

I saw him put her head under the front tire of our car, and he told my little sister to put the car in drive, I have seen him burn her with curling irons, knock her teeth out, lock her in the closet for hours, choke until she was pale.

For me, it wasn’t about hurting him more than it was stopping him from hurting my mom.  I can’t say that I hated hil even, I never felt anything at all for the man.  Even after I was older, and able to defend myself against him… the fights did not bring about a hate in me, I was only thinking about my mom.   I felt that if he tired himself fighting me, then he would leave mom alone.  I did not care about winning the battles he and I had, I just wanted him to be satisfied with that release of his anger.

I always saw a pain in him that was there long before I was born, maybe long before he met mom even.  From what I know about his life, it was nothing like mine.  He had only his mother, who died when he was young.  Most of his life was spent bouncing from one place to the next.  I am sure that some things happened that he never told any of us about.  But I think my mom knew more than he ever told her, and I think that is what enraged him so much.  To look at her and know that she saw something he did not wish for her to see was more than he could handle, thus he tried to beat it out of her.

I did what I had to do.  I came home one day to find my mother beaten beyond recognition.  I took her to the hospital and took my little sister to my aunt’s house, then I went to this place named « The Barn » (it is a place for gamblers to gamble) I found him, and I shot him twice in the chest.

Do I regret it ?  No, because I love ly mom and sister.  I did not want my sister to grow up thinking it was normal for a man to beat a woman… I did not want her to grow up to want a man like him…  I wanted my mom to have some peace in life.  To have a chance to find the right man to spend the rest of her life with.  To know what if feels like to be truly loved and adored.  Special people deserve special things, my mom is the most special woman in the world !

At some point they are going to kill me here on Death Row, but I am at peace  with that, because in ly heart, I know what I did was right.  My mom is happy, she is with a good man now, my sister is going to college at the university of Texas.  From a moral standpoint, I was wrong, I won’t ever pretend I wasn’t….   I have no excuses,  I still believe that I did the wrong thing for the right reasons.  And to see my mom smile the way she does today…. It is a dream come true.

The law of life says we pay what we owe,  I willingly pay my bill, but you have a lot of young men and women who do not deserve to die.  I told you ly story for thel.  If anything I have said touches you in any way, make those emotions count for something…  do your part to stop the killing of inmates.  There is no justice in that, actually, it resembles the very coldness that they claim we possess.  Murder is murder, it doesn’t matter who is doing the killing.  Trust me, I know.

FFL !!! (FIGHT FOR LIFE)

With respect,
Tyra
November 15, 2010