Interviews of Derrick, Marcus, Claude and Val

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN

 

I have often been asked about the mentalities of guys « behind the walls ». Mostly, I focus a lot on the matters of death row, but this time, I sought the help of guys in population. I want to be clear, I think the death penalty is the most vile thing in the world, but in reality to imprison someone for a life is not far behind it. No one lives in prison, they merely exist. That is what this article is all about, it's about who these men deal with life in prison.... what is/was hardest for them.... how they manage to survive.....

 The first person I spoke with was Derrick Middleton, and this is what he had to say...

 “The hardest about prison for me is knowing that my mom is sick. I am lucky, because I will be released on January 3, 2011, so I will get the chance to be with her. But I have a brother incarcerated also, he may not make it out. My mom had kidney failure, the good thing is I maybe able to help her, but I can't tell you what it was like when I was sitting here without any word from anyone in my family. I knew something was wrong, but I was powerless to do anything. I remember thinking : “please don't let me get a letter... please don't let me hear my name being called to go see the chaplain' Shit man, prison ain't no place for no man. They don't care about you. That was the hardest lesson I had to learn... in prison don't nobody give a fuck about us. I mean, yeah, by the time this thing is put out, I will be at home, but I can promise you this, I won't forget about anyone that I ever met and grew to care about and love. It's war in here, what I went through with my mom and her illness, a lot of inmates will go through, only they may not get the chance I have. See, family (be it friends or blood), it's all you got in here, when they are gone, what's left ? To all my boys I done been in the struggle with down here, I'm with you for life... I won't ever turn my back on you, or stop accepting your phone calls. Stay strong and always remember; nothing last forever, not even this hell that we are now living !”

Love & Respect,

D.M.

January 12/2011

Next was Marcus Cole.....

 “I would have to say it is the stress of living up to expectations. See, I am in a gang... the rules that apply to others do not apply to us. There is no such thing as a good day, I mean everyday you spend it looking over your shoulder... waiting for anything to jump off. You fight to prove your toughness, you fight to prove your manhood, you fight when you are told to. I have never had a family, my mother died when I was young, I never knew my father...*my set* was my family. You never realize how much peace means to a person until you know that it isn't really possible for you. I gotta name in here, and it maybe stupid to take so much pride in the way people see U, but if you have ever seen what it is like for someone who is not respected, you wouldn't feel that way. Some days I just sit in my cell in total blackness and watch my homies... and enemies as they go about their usual shit, and that's when I really think about my life, for 15 years I fought for a name in this bitch, but I never fought for myself when it was about my conviction. Yeah, I still say for me the hardest thing about prison is the stress of living up to expectations, but I also have to look at myself and keep myself from crying like a baby, because I spilled my blood to prove my manhood, but I wouldn't fight with my mind to get out of here... I guess that makes me the biggest coward I have ever known. What else can you call a man who is afraid to fail ? If I could say anything to the younger cats down here in prison, I would tell them to fight for the things they way. I don't mean fight just a little, I mean fight like their lives are on the line, because really, they are. They're not sending boys down here with small amounts of time no more, they're giving them life sentences without putting the actual word “LIFE” on the judgment papers. See, one can come up for parole on a life sentence, but if you are given 70 years, you won't see parole until you complete 35 years... a 99 year sentence, you won't see parole until you complete 50 years. It doesn't matter how young you are when you get sentences like that, what can you do after you have been gone for 50 years ? And in most cases, you will be over 50 when you see freedom again, how do you make up that kind of time... who will be alive to even be able to help you ? They are not gonna to tell you that, prisons are not about rehabilitation, they are terminate housing nowadays. You might as well be killing us. Just because the words “DEATH SENTENCE” are not attached to our judgment doesn't mean that we aren't dying too. That's why I say fight for life, at least then you can live with knowing you did all you could... you have yourself a fighting chance. Anything can happen in a fight, but nothing happens when nothing is done. Understand ?”

 Next was Claude Busby....

 “I didn't see my family for 5 years ! Iam from Dallas, but I was shipped way to South Texas... I'm talking deep, deep Texas. It was a rocks throw from Mexico. I didn't know nobody down there, it was mainly Mexicans, and I speak no Spanish, so it was really hard to communicate. We didn't have phones back the, so all I could do was write letters. My family is poor man, and making the trip was too much for my family. I can remember the first time I saw them for the first time in 1998, and I could not believe how much they all had changed so much. I knew my mom, but I didn't recognize the small lady she had become... I saw my niece and nephew for the first time, they didn't even know me !!! The pictures that hung on the wall in of my mom's house, they were not me anymore, I was 50 pounds lighter. My niece would not even shake my hand... she was scared of me... and I was scared of them. I did not know them anymore. I didn't know what to say, or how to act. Even hugging my mom was awkward, a woman I loved with a passion, I did not know how to hug her. I am closer to home now, so I see them more, but that was a time I won't ever forget. Separation from your family is one of the biggest tools used to control the prison population. You would think that it would have a negative affect, but no.... if you have nothing to motivate you... you don't see anything to fight for, you just kind of lay down and accept what is done to you. It's takes a strong man to stand alone in the world. They try to keep inmates apart, they won't even allow us to eat together. For all the times that I have seen inmates beaten by officers, I have seen just as many inmates allow it to happen. Some things have to be taught, others you just know them instinctively. We were taught separation. That is why so many inmates are mistreated, abused, or killed. I know what you're saying : “That's impossible, it is not like that down there!” You're only saying it because you have never seen it or knew someone who lived it. How can you tell your mom, if you never see her ? How can you tell a friend if he/she doesn't believe you ? Then too, pride plays a part in it too: real ganstas don't do not tellin' or cryin', that's the code here, and you're gonna live by it or die because you didn't, one of the two. Prison is a tricky place, but I learned a long time ago, the real trick was played on us a long time ago. We have to learn to come together, to be willing to sacrifice a little, otherwise we will always be singing that sad son... a song that no one will hear but us.”

 Next is Val Williams …

 “For me, it was being here during the race riots... seeing my homies die. It was like a mad zone. There was no smiling and playing, everything was business. I had so many people that I grew to care for that were either killed or shipped away. And, back then, it was just like you were dead. They put us behind these walls, and unspeakable things happen to you. Even the guys who weren't violent, I've seen them become some of the most known killers in here. It was almost impossible to build friendships, it was not a promise that anyone would survive to see another day. I can remember so many times I went to visitation to see my family, and I layed on the big smiles, and pretended everything was alright, but I was scared to death. I never told my mother and sister that I saw my first dead body in here, I never told them that I saw men who were eating that vida-pro stuff they were feeding us swell up with knots and boils all over their bodies... I never told them that I was scared to death about dying. There's so much a person can take. They say only the strong survive, and it is true I guess, because if you survive this life, there is nothing you can't do. But even those of us who have survived, we think the same thing : “When is enough enough ?” I blame myself for doing what I did to get here, but I also blame the system, how is a man suppose to win in life if he spends twenty years of it in a war zone ? Hard time can be a good thing for a short time, but after so long, it just becomes a way of life, how do you recover from that ? The only answer is the one they have provided : “Lock them up and throw away the key”, I mean just that !!! Because based on all the things I have seen, there is no way I would want someone like me on the streets. I've come to believe that no one is expected to change, they aren't trying to give change a real chance, and that is sad, because I have seen some fellas come through here who are so shocked that they would never do anything else that would come close to leading them back here, they're the ones I feel so sorry for, because I know they won't survive, and even worse, so does the very system that sent them here.”

Much Respect,

Val December 23, 2010

 

  • “MY SET” is a term used by gang members, it means what gang specifically that one is tied to. Normally, I edit the profanity, but for this article, I have decided not to. I want it to read just the way it was told to me, If anyone is offended, I apologize sincerely. I just want the realness..... the rawness to really be felt and absorbed. It's not always pretty words, and emotion, sometimes it's just out right ugly... I think you should see that too.

 

This is just part one, I have 12 men who will speak their minds about life in prison. I have a friend over at KPFT radio who is planing a show dealing with the lives of men/women in prison. In fact, she is the one who gave me the idea to do this three part series I am doing now. It's not just concerning men in general population, you will also read the stories of men on death row as well. This ones for you Shirley !!!

 As ever,

Tyree

January 1, 2011