News from DR

How great a matter a little fire kindleth !

---The New Testament, James 3:5

 

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN......

 

 

Too many people die back here. Long before I met Tyree, I was feeling this way. I have asked myself a million times, how do we stop it. But sometimes, life and other things get in the way... Only now I know that life cannot get in the way if “LIFE” is at stake.

 

I was convicted of double murder, there was nothing I could do but accept my sentence. Even though I heard the words “guilty”, and death by execution, the sentence never seemed to register to me. It never hit me that I was about to be murdered myself. And then it finally did, I cried for weeks.

 

My whole life was reduced to my living inside a closet basically, waiting to die. How does that sound ? I'm just thankful for the day I have. I relax after 10 every morning, because I didn't get an execution date.

 

Happiness in here comes from really small things, I went to commissary, or I got a letter, or like I said, I didn't get an execution date. You learn to hope for the small things and never expect the big things. We are a group of men and women who are trapped inside this cage.... a group who looks at the walls in silence, trapped with all our rage and violence.

 

I use to contemplate my sentence, I use to wonder how is death even an option for a man, or a country who fights against other countries to prevent the very same thing. Now, I just look on, and I pray, not to any God, I just pray with the hope that someone is listening. I pray for the guy who lives next to me, because he cries at night when he thinks we are all asleep, I pray for the young kid who tried to kill himself last week, because waiting to die is worse than death on some days, I pray for the guy I used to live next to, who always looked at me with fear because he knows he is about to die... a guy I truly believe is innocent.

 

But that is how the system is... not perfect, but it works. How does it work when you have so many people who are being found innocent via DNA. What kind of justice is that ? How can something work if it is always breaking ?

 

I'm speechless ! My mind is a blank, I guess in some ways, my heart is too. It's so hard to remain positive, when there is nothing around you but madness. I dunno, I guess that is a question for someone better than me to answer. I count the deaths and I am saddened … I'm just weak !

 

I look forward for better days. I look forward to days where my fellow Inmates are not crying in the night... when we speak of the D/P, we shall be speaking in the past tense... I look forward to living life instead of waiting for it to end.

But my times maybe up because I have my date. My mother always asks when she comes : “Is there anything new ?” That is her way of asking have I got an execution date yet. I told her “no”, and with just that, she was relieved... she was happy. I lied to her to keep her from hurting herself. I don't want her crying over me. Just the look on her face before I gave her the “no” told me a lot. Knowing that look is motivation enough for me, and it should be enough for the rest of you... it should be enough for countries all over the world who practice the D/P.

 

Con todo respecto,

Kilo,

August 12, 2011

 

*** Author's note*** As always, Kilo was great. I met him a few months ago, and I asked him doing this for me. At first he was against it, but the more I talked, the more he listened. I think my big mouth wore him (LOL). He has come a long way. There was a time that he could not read nor write, and now he writes better than me (smile). He did not say much about himself, and I like that because we are not trying to focus on just one person, we want to help everyone that we possibly can. Just little piece of info that I gave you about Kilo, should be enough for you to see that people are capable of great things, sometimes we just need a little help. If you put your heart into all that you do, you can't go wrong I promise. Until we meet again, keep striving, keep believing, and keep dreaming. Then, you make it happen ! Let me read about you.

 

REFUSE TO BE STOPPED !!!!

 

Luv & Respect

Tyree