Tyree Bailey


To whom it may concern !!!

 

When along the pavement,

Palpitating flames of life,

People flicker round me,

I forgot my bereavement,

The gap in the great constellation,

The place where a star used to be

 

D.H. Lawrence “Submergence”

 

 

 

Sometimes, you just get tired. You get tired of the harassment, you get tired of the disrespect. It takes all you have to just be humble and not lash out. You try with all your might to find peace in the madness. For just a moment, you forget and you lose it... then you wake up to the consequences from that lapse in judgment. It was only for a minute but it counts just the same. You wake up wondering if the little slip will cost you a lifetime !

 

I bang my head against the wall countless times asking myself why ? But, what can I do... what can anybody do ?

 

I listen to my neighbor yelling in the night for no reason. I hear all the screams, I can picture the tears. And I wear it's too much at times... I wonder if I am next.

 

It's no ease feet, to put a smile for everybody, when on the inside, you feel like you are going crazy. Some feel helpless and alone... some just want to die, so they won't be trapped in these cages 23 hours of the day and night. But that is what you get here. Life is more then just ugly, it's heartbreaking.

 

I had a friend tell me once : “If you put my shoes on, you would feel like they had cement inside them.” I have no doubt about that. So, I asked him if he was alright, and all he said was : “Man, homie, you just don't understand !” Looking back on it, I saw so much rage, pain, and sadness in his eyes. I saw so much mistrust. Just looking back makes the load I have on my own shoulders that much heavier.

 

Sometimes we feel cold, no feelings, no nothing. The only phrase that comes to mine is really simple : “FUCK IT !!!”, That's what I said when they stopped feeding me for 3 days, that's what we all say where there is nothing left to do or try.

 

I dunno what to tell you all, nothing amazing comes to my mind. All I can say is tht not just me, but “WE” are surviving the best way we know how. For just once, I would like to look at some... talk with someone, and not end up thinking in the back of my mind : “Man, you just don't understand.”

 

And to all the people I have hurt in the course of my life, I am sorry... I am sorry for not being a man, I am sorry for not being able to be the person you needed me to be. I can only hope to have the chance to make it up to you. See, that is what life does, it provides us the opportunity to right or wrongs, because in most cases, we are better than the stupid things we do.

Respectfully,

Kiki

July 29, 2011

 

*** Author's note - Kiki, was to the ^point ! A very passionate guy who believes that killing is wrong. He told me : “I can't make my words come alive like you do, but I want to help”. He told us a little bit of how an inmate's mind works, but he never told us how his mind works. And, he won't ever get the chance to do it either. Kiki killed himself last week. I close with this, make use of the time you have ! Life gives us many things, it affords us many opportunities. USE THEM !!! Because if not, you will be comiting the greatest sin; wasting time !

 

R.I.P. KIKI !!!

 

Luv & Respect,

Tyree

 

PS : I normally don't allow people to curse, out of respect for the women who read my articles, however, I allowed it to Kiki. You won't get a lot of that, I promise you, My deepest apologies to anyone I may have offend. Especially to the ladies. I was raised with the belief that a man shows respect to women always, and even though my mom is dead, she is still the biggest inspiration to me. She use to tell me : “Baby, you never throw away what you learned”, I won't Moma, I promise I won't !!!!!